Rob's Blog

Headline of the Day?

2011-03-30T17:56:00.014-04:00

Someone left their used newspaper on the kitchen table at work. The pages were all disheveled but I caught this headline poking out from the middle of the pile:

"Studies show America goes crazy for studies"

This reminded me of lots of jokes, like the one about how "90% of all the statistics you hear are made up," which, of course, is itself a made-up statistic. The Family Guy parodied this entire concept in a skit where Peter tells Chris: "Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that..."

Anyway, apparently the printed article's headline was a lie too. I looked for it online just so I could post a hyperlink to it here. I typed it into google but found nothing. Then I went to the source's website only to discover that the online version of the article had a completely different headline than the paper version. The new/online headline was:

"Churchgoing and obesity"

This was ~~quite~~ moderately funny to me as well because the article included two annectodes of the types of "ridiculous-sounding studies" on inane topics (e.g., "why [do] bees buzz") that Americans and late-night comics love to cite. One such study involved investigating the effects of sword-swallowing on the human throat. The other found a weak link between church attendance among young adults and obesity later in life. The article stated that the church-obesity study "got a lot of play in the media, leading to all sorts of cute headlines: 'Is Church Bad for Your Health?' 'Is Faith Fattening?' 'Thou Shalt Be Overweight!'"

Well, apparently someone at the newspaper's website decided that the original headline for the article, which was both funny and representative of the author's point, wasn't eye-catching, or SEO-driving, enough. So the original headline was replaced with the exact type of sensationalist and misleading headline that the article's author was mocking. Actually, it was nearly identical to the examples of "cute" (i.e., misleading) headlines about the church-obesity study that the article quoted. Although I have no real understanding of what the term "meta" means, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this whole thing is quite "meta."

Still, news articles and stories with purposely misleading headlines bother me. Family Guy took a swipe at this type of sensationalist news reporting as well when Tom Tucker, the local news anchor, says immediately prior to a commercial break: "Coming up next. Can bees think?" After a brief pause, but still before the commercial break arrives, he dourly reveals: "A new study indicates that no, they cannot." Ha!

Lawsuit of Interest

2010-06-17T10:48:00.002-04:00

Fired Woman Denies CEO's Claim That "Hostile" Fetus Had A "Negative Agenda"

In the CEO's defense, the woman is named "Harms"...

Seriously?

2009-12-29T09:46:00.003-05:00

In an article about antibiotic use in farm animals leading to resistant diseases in humans who eat the meat of those animals, there is a focus on farmer Rowles and his PIG farm.

According to the article, Farmer Rowles believes that he practices safe antibiotic adminstration that does not lead to sickness in humans:

"[Farmer] Rowles gives his pigs virginiamycin, which has been used in livestock for decades and is not absorbed by the gut. He withdraws the drug three weeks before his hogs are sent for slaughter. He also monitors his herd for signs of drug resistance to ensure they are getting the most effective doses." (My emphasis).

"The one thing that the American public wants to know is: Is the product that I'm getting, is it safe to eat?" said Rowles, whose home freezer is full of his pork. "I'm telling you that the product that we produce today is the safest, most wholesome product that you could possibly get."

Someone in Congress disagrees. That someone is SERGEANT SLAUGHTER! No, actually it is just Rep. Louise M. Slaughter [whoops, sorry], D-N.Y., who has proposed a bill to outlaw the practice of feeding antibiotics to healthy livestock:

According to Slaughter: "If you mixed an antibiotic in your child's cereal, people would think you're crazy."

WHAT are the odds that someone named Slaughter would stand opposed to a bunch of pig farmers in this debate?

As it turns out, not all farmers are in opposition to Slaughter...PUN INTENDED:

"Back in Missouri, farmer Kremer [a different farmer who was accidentally gored by an antibiotic resistant bore on his farm] finally found an antibiotic that worked on his leg. After being released from the hospital, Kremer tested his pigs. The results showed they were resistant to all the same drugs he was. Kremer tossed his hypodermic needles, sacked his buckets of antibiotic-laced feed, slaughtered his herd and started anew [without using antibiotics on his animals]." (My emphasis).

I guess it is fitting that the pig slaughterer and Slaughter are fighting on the same team now.

Video Headline of the Week

2009-10-02T12:53:00.003-04:00

Via CNN.com iReports: Giant puppets for German unity (that's the headline from the CNN.com main page, but not the title of the video, which is "Berlin Unification Day - Giant Puppets").

Anything about "Giant puppets" is cool. This gets even cooler because it lists "giant puppets" on the same line as something serious: German unity. It would be even better to see a headline where the giant puppets are actually doing something serious, like: "Giant puppets protest anti-abortion bill in front of Whitehouse."

Who Said Tweeting About Sleeping In A Moldy Apartment Was Bad For You?

2009-07-28T18:37:00.002-04:00

Thank goodness for Twitter. Without it, attorneys might run out of people to sue…oh wait…that’s what I do for a living…forget my sarcasm then…

Worst Simile Ever?

2009-05-13T14:26:00.001-04:00

"Then reality hits you like bird poop falling on a shady park bench."

Wow. Was this intentionally terrible...used as a quasi-joke, or what?

I have no further comment.

Another Excellent Headline

2009-04-08T13:33:00.003-04:00

"Meat for monkey sex?"

Best quote: "And in this primitive style of wine-and-dine, it turns out the more meat you share, the more sex you get in return." (Emphasis added).

I would say that is probably a truism.
How are you supposed to even have sex if you aren't "sharing your meat"... (and don't bother trying to answer that question, it has already been "resolved").

Favorite Quotes

2009-04-06T18:17:00.004-04:00

"Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer." -- Shaquille O'Neal

I love that guy!

Scientists Have Done Something...

2009-02-03T16:56:00.002-05:00

...But I am not quite sure what.

I am fairly certain that teleportation is now more than a mere theoretical possibility.

Yet I also know that:

"The method [of "teleportation" currently being used - and described in the link above] is not particularly practical at the moment, because it fails almost all of the time. Only 1 of every 100 million teleportation attempts succeed, requiring 10 minutes to transfer one bit of quantum information."

(Emphasis added).

Is this even newsworthy then? Maybe not, but I am intrigued.

Obama Thought Of The Day

2009-02-03T09:51:00.010-05:00

I think I voted for Barack Obama so that I could criticize his policies without being labeled (or labeling myself) a racist or an arch-conservative. For a while it actually felt like the right decision, but now that facade has crumbled. It turns out that I have not agreed with a single major decision or appointment he has made up to this point (aside from overturning the horrible Supreme Court decision in Ledbetter). Watching him continue with "politics as usual" has been a disheartening experience. I am a libertarian at heart, and I cannot condone this huge government bailout plan (nor the version that Bush supported) that effectively places Uncle Sam's hands into my pockets (eww) and grabs my hard(eww)-earned income, all while Obama is appointing admitted tax cheats to high-ranking government positions and condoning billions of dollars in "pork" projects for his friends. Plus, there's this!

(UPDATE: Daschle and Killefer just withdrew from Obama appointments over their tax issues! Obama accepted Daschle's withdrawal with "sadness and regret." I guess Obama can keep nominating these clowns, but even they are starting to see the hypocrisy and bowing out. Too bad that crook Geithner didn't withdraw before his appointment was upheld...)

Where is Colon Powell? Get him in there right now! I must have confused the two of them during the election...for some reason...and voted for the super-liberal guy by accident.

But I digress... At least I can now openly disagree with Obama's positions without feeling badly. I voted for the guy, so no one can question my motives (yeah, sure).

Poker is a game of skill? That explains a lot!

2009-01-30T14:10:00.005-05:00

Why do we waste so much time and money prosecuting people for violating ridiculously paternalistic/antiquated/petty laws?

Here is an article discussing whether playing Texas Hold 'em for money (i.e., gambling) violates a state statute forbidding the playing of "any game with cards or dice'' under such circumstances. The statute has been interpreted as only banning games of "chance", but not games of "skill", so the next question that must be answered is whether Texas Hold 'em is a game of chance or a game of skill.

No doubt, many highly paid "experts" will soon waste their time researching and drawing conclusions regarding this truly inane and unanswerable question. More money and time will then be wasted as prosecutors and defense attorneys present their cases to juries, who will then ponder the "evidence" and most likely reach disparate conclusions based almost entirely on mere conjecture.

I have a better idea. Don't allow it to go down that path in the first place. Who really cares whether a few friends do a little gambling at a poker game? Why prosecute it at all. Keep the law in place, so as not to have to pay even more experts to research alternatives and waste the state legislatures' time drafting new provisions, and simply utilize prosecutorial discretion by choosing to not bring these cases. This will even allow certain egregious cases to still be prosecuted, such as a those involving complex gambling/poker rings.

Unfortunately, some prosecutors seem to lack the requisite "skill" needed to perform their jobs with competence.

Metallica Concert

2009-01-30T09:48:00.009-05:00

The concert was awesome. Here's what was played, in order:

1. That Was Just Your Life (Death Magnetic)
2. The End Of The Line (Death Magnetic)
3. Creeping Death (Ride The Lightning)
4. The Thing That Should Not Be (Master Of Puppets)
5. One (...And Justice For All)
6. Broken, Beat And Scarred (Death Magnetic)
7. Cyanide (Death Magnetic)
8. Sad But True (Black Album)
9. The Unforgiven (Black Album)
10. All Nightmare Long (Death Magnetic)
11. The Day That Never Comes (Death Magnetic)
12. Master Of Puppets (Master Of Puppets)
13. Damage, Inc. (Master Of Puppets)
14. Nothing Else Matters (Black Album)
15. Enter Sandman (Black Album)
ENCORE
16. Stone Cold Crazy (Queen Cover - Garage Inc.)
17. Phantom Lord (Kill'Em All)
18. Seek And Destroy (Kill'Em All)

Want to see an "official" setlist with links to instant videos of the songs and the lyrics?
Did you say you wanted to see high-quality photos too? (Seriously, these are not the ones I took with my blackberry, thank goodness!)

Lasers, fire, huge metal coffins hovering around the stage, huge "metal" beach balls falling from the rafters...typical stuff for Metallica I guess! (Amazing, although NIN still managed to put on a better visual show)

Metallica has at least 10 songs that they should have played instead of a few of the new ones, but I totally understand that they are really into this new album (especially after the last few "flops") and want to promote it with their fans as much as possible. I figure that "Cyanide" will be one of the songs from the new album that becomes a mainstay and that they play at most of their future shows...and possibly "All Nightmare Long" or "The Day That Never Comes"...but "Cyanide" is a pretty amazing concert/live song and stands up well to almost any of their old songs.

I wish they would have played any of the following instead of some of the new ones though:

Hit The Lights, The Four Horsemen, Fight Fire With Fire, Ride The Lightning, For Whom The Bell Tolls, Fade To Black, Battery, Sanitarium, Blackened, Wherever I May Roam, ...And Justice For All, Turn The Page (Seger cover) - I could go on and on, but I'm biased because the new album is not as established as the older ones are with me. Possibly if I had never heard any of their songs before, I would pick one of the new songs over some of the songs I just listed...who knows.

Speaking of the old songs though: "Master Of Puppets" is one of my favorite metal (or any musical genre) songs of all time and my favorite Metallica song. I tried to record the entire performance on my blackberry - and did - but I was flipping out so much during the song that the only recognizable sound you can hear in the recording is ME singing the entire time, except during the incredible instrumental parts. I guess I couldn't NOT sing! What is even more ridiculous to me, is that a few songs later when they played "Enter Sandman", I thought it may have been even better, which technically should not be possible, since "Master Of Puppets" was perfection. I think I was still psyched up from the "M.O.P" performance.

One last note: There is nothing crazier/creepier than seeing Metallica perform "Creeping Death" and standing with thousands of people while everyone shouts "Die, Die, Die, Die..." to the beat while they pump their fists in the air. It was eerily reminiscent of some sort of Nazi rally, and "Die" is a German word (meaning "the") after all. It got me totally pumped up, but halfway through I started to feel bad and put my arm down. I KNEW they were going to play that song - about killing the Pharaoh's first born son in Egypt in the time of the Old Testament - since they were in Capital Jew City (aka, Long Island). I'm really glad they did.

Lifetime "Dreams" Fulfilled In The Past Six Months:
1. Got Engaged To High School Sweetheart
2. Played Football At Giants Stadium
3. Saw Metallica Live
4. Saw "Family Guy" Live At Carnegie Hall

Pretty nice run I'm having!

Go Home, Whitey

2009-01-20T17:51:00.004-05:00

Today, January 20, 2009, after Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States (he's actually not the 44th, and Justice Roberts botched the Oath, but whatever), Civil Rights Leader Rev. Joseph Lowery, 87 years old, delivered these stirring remarks to conclude his inaugural ceremony benediction speech:

"We ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to give back, when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man, and when white will embrace what is right."

I understand what he meant by the final stanza of his rhyme, but I wish he would not have said it in that manner - not because I am in any way offended, but because I worry that some white citizens will take his words too literally and miss the greater point he was trying to make...and that would be a shame. Rev. Lowery marched with Dr. King and decried racial intolerance when his message was significantly less popular than it is today. Although he is pleased with the progress our country has made in the last few decades, he is not blinded by it. Rev. Lowery is not so naive to believe that racism and hatred in our country have been defeated. Nor is Rev. Lowery too senile to remember how powerful and sinister such hate can be. Rev. Lowery is a realist, and he knows that although this day marks a significant milestone in the civil rights struggle, we (America) have not yet reached the "top of the mountain." Racism still exists and there is still much work to be done. Racism is like a weed that will continue to grow just beneath the surface even when you stomp it out. And so, with that understanding, he implored Americans to keep striving for ANOTHER DAY, when racism will truly be defeated.

Do not rest on your laurels, America. This is NOT the end of the fight. Just look at the composition of our country's poorest citizens compared to the composition of our overall population, and you will realize that while Obama's presidency may represent some attainment of equality of opportunity for wealthy and well-educated minorities in America, it does not represent a true "change" for those with significantly lesser means. "White" still has the power...the power to DO what is right. "White" must embrace the responsibility that goes along with that power and help end inequality for EVERYONE of all economic means. "White" - at least to Rev. Lowery - probably means the wealthy and powerful of all colors and nationalities. Rev. Lowery has even criticized Obama for promoting the notion of "giving back" on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, but not also emphasizing the NEED to keep giving back on the other 364 days of the year. Rev. Lowery is willing to point the finger not just at "White", but at "Black" and "Brown" and "Yellow" and "Red" - like Bill Cosby - and this sometimes puts him at odds with people in his own community who think that they are owed something and won't do enough to help themselves. However, he delivered the OPPOSITE message today, probably in the spirit of compromise, so as not to stir up resentment among the black community on such a triumphant day. That is a shame.

In his heart, I know (and hope) that Rev. Lowery meant to say:

"We ask you to help us work for that day when black will not [NEED TO] be asked to give back, when brown can [AND WILL WANT TO] stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man, and when . . . [EVERYONE OF PRIVILEGE] will embrace what is right [AND HELP THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN THEMSELVES]."

For the great work that Rev. Lowery has done in his lifetime, I will give him a pass. Fortunately for all Americans, his actions will always speak louder than his words.

It's the economy, stupid!

2008-09-17T17:46:00.010-04:00

It's 6:30 pm on Wednesday, September 17, 2008. We are in the home stretch of one of the most important presidential races with significant historical ramifications I have ever seen or can imagine (part of that is not due to the candidates themselves - even though they are history making people - but is due to what George W. Bush has done to our country in the last 8 years - we are teetering on total disaster). We are in the midst of one of the most devastating periods of economic turmoil that most people can remember. Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch and AIG, three of the world's largest and most prominent financial/insurance institutions, have all collapsed THIS WEEK (and the government just bailed out AIG for $85 billion and took an 80% equity stake; unheard of)! The DJIA has fallen over 650 points (-6%) in the last seven days! Our top general in Iraq just stepped down - and this has been one of the deadliest periods in Iraq in years.

Anyway, here are "Today's Top [Internet] Searches" according to Yahoo.com:

1. Megan Fox
2. Olivia Wilde
3. Ellen DeGeneres
4. Nelly
5. Chevy Volt
6. The Biggest Loser TV...
7. Hells Angels
8. MTV TRL
9. Deep Vein Thrombosis
10. Federal Reserve

At least Federal Reserve made the list! Sheesh! I know Ellen just became the face of "Covergirl" and Nelly is certainly a popular rapper, but...what the hell is wrong with people in this country. My personal favorite though is #9. I'm sure glad to know that in this topsy-turvy time we're living in, websites exist that can provide people with vital information about "Deep Vein Thrombosis" and Nelly. Yikes...

Funny Words

2008-07-02T12:02:00.003-04:00

Two words I recently learned (#1 is by far one of the funniest sounding words in the english language, imo):

1. Meatus
2. Stopcock

They don't mean what they seem to mean...obviously.

Here's a nifty link along the same lines that may be: NSFW.

E-Mail of the Week

2008-06-25T10:25:00.006-04:00

Time: 8:38 A.M.

Subject: "Carrot Cake"

Body: "There is carrot cake in the kitchen for those who would like some. Enjoy!"

It was from a real bakery and it was fantastic - not dry at all, and the icing was perfect!

Mets

2008-06-25T10:25:00.002-04:00

They suck...Oliver Perez is especially terrible...an 11-0 home loss to the worst team in the majors (Seattle - that's right, they have the worst overall record of the 30 major league teams)...nothing else needs to be said.

Book Review

2008-06-17T10:47:00.005-04:00

For possibly the first time since undergrad, I have actually finished reading a book that I was reading for pleasure (i.e., had nothing to do with law) and that was unrelated to self-help, poker, or investing in stocks. A-MAZING. Liar's Poker, Michael Lewis' (the Moneyball guy) humorous first person account of Wall Street in the 1980s (focusing on his time at Salomon Brothers), is as engaging as it is witty. Most people have either read this book (published in 1990), or heard of it: here's a wikipedia article about it that I did not read, but that I'm sure contains an adequate synopses.

Although the subject matter of the book is at times tedious, especially when Mr. Lewis is describing such esoteric matters as how mortgages are securitized and how junk bonds function, the matter-of-fact "newspaperish" storytelling style, and memorable, if not slightly exaggerated, characters (such as "the human Piranha" and "big swinging dicks"), pushes the story along in spite of the minutiae. To be fair, Mr. Lewis spends 90% of his time describing his characters and their actions and the other 10% putting them (both characters and actions) into proper historical context, which necessitates a little economic and financial background.

I liked nearly everything about the book, including the way the story diverged from Ranieri and the New York Salomon offices, to Milken and the London offices where Mr. Lewis worked. The divergence (occurring near the end of the book) provided a nice break from the more intense New York action, while allowing the later London events to be colored by the former New York events: sort of like the split in Full Metal Jacket between the earlier Parris Island training scenes where "Joker" is merely observing others, such as Gomer Pyle, and the later Vietnam combat scenes where "Joker" plays a prominent role (fitting that both observers - Joker and Lewis - are journalists).

The only gripe I had with the book was the Epilogue, where Mr. Lewis takes all of the lessons he has learned (and taught) about the corrupting power of greed and the fleetingness of power/money, and in 2-3 pages basically tells us to forget everything he has just said. Lewis questions his decision to leave Salomon before turning into a full-fledged, money-hungry A-Hole like most of the people he has described up to that point. He says that he largely regretted leaving as staying would have provided him possibly the only sure path to becoming a multi-millionaire in his life. True, but would it not have also made Lewis, already having become a Wall Street power player (Big Swinging Dick) mostly by happenstance, an even bigger Dick, the type of person who relished screwing over customers and associates in order to leverage a higher end-of-year bonus? This is like Richard Simmons telling everyone in America to eat healthy and exercise and then publicly regretting that he missed out on the Big Mac.

In the end, Lewis is not a complete hypocrite. He does not tell us that unbridled greed is evil and then allow himself to fully succumb to that greed. He does manage to get out before it's too late to save his soul (although he has stepped on many "innocent" customers along the way and pocketed hundreds of thousands of dollars). But in regretting his ultimate decision, he reinforces the tempting nature of greed and power, and the addicting power of money. Perhaps this is his ultimate lesson: if even he, the faithful narrator foil throughout, the embodiment of rational thought in a world devoid of any thought other than that of the bottom line, cannot escape damnation without lingering regrets, then what chance do the rest of us have?

To quote someone I've never heard of:
"Money is in some respects life's fire: it is a very excellent servant, but a terrible master."

Rhyme of the day?

2008-06-04T12:05:00.003-04:00

According to Wikipedia, and contrary to popular myth, the word "purple" does rhyme with two other words in the English language: "hurple" and "curple". "Hurple" means to walk lamely or to hobble. In my opinion, "Curple" shouldn't even count because it is Scottish - but maybe it should count because it means the buttocks of a horse (i.e., a horse's ass). SO what have we learned? If your friend is wearning a purple shirt and does something stupid that pisses you off, you can call your friend a "purple curple," and then, if you have the type of relationship with your friend where this kind of behavior is accepted, you can give your "purple curple" friend a purple nurple...although that would really just make you a curple too (imo). Obviously, if your friend also walks with a limp...forget it.

Greatest Headline Ever

2008-05-30T09:53:00.005-04:00

Monkeys control robots with their minds

There is nothing else to say...except this!

The Bodies

2008-05-30T09:53:00.003-04:00

I have wanted to see "Bodies . . . the Exhibition" for months. Like many others, I am fascinated by the macabre. So I'm not sure if this news about the potential origin of some of the bodies featured in "the Bodies" will make me want to refrain from seeing it, or perhaps want to see it even more.